aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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