I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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