I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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