Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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