and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize