Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
