Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
