So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
