when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
