just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
