At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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