who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
