Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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