Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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