There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
