I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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