i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
