somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
