I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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