She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
