We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
