I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
