Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
