The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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