ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
