turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
