where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
