Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
