I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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