Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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