He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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