And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
