this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
