Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it hurts more in the daytime
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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