I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
