Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
