You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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