I wanna passion pit in your ass
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
