it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
