is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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