You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
