***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
