I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
