On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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