Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
