we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
