I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
