Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
