i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
