my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
