I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
