she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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