Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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