His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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