Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
