is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
