There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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