I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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