I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize