Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
