just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
