Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
