I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
is it fun? or sober?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
