i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she woke up with a sticky ear
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
