last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
even my farts smell like vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
