no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I look better un-naked...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
