Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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