But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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