oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
