Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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