My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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