yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
