..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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