I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
