ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize