Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
