Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
