there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want her autograph on my taint
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
