I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
