Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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