So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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