I'm so fucking centered right now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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