Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize